Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
