remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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