What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
