I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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