you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
