you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
