Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My breasts were aching with rage.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
