I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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