You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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