Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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