i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
