so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
