drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
