if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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