my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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