Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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