i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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