We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I would fuck him just for his dog
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
