If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
