please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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