The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
