I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
