you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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