the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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