If i come over, it means nothing
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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