I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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