she was so not down for the gang bang
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
