were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
where does the pee come out of this thing
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
