Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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