hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
