please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
