I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
