I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
