Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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