bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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