dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
