How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
