Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
