Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
