some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
