Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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