that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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