Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
