I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am naked and annoyed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
