i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
