Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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