I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
