Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
