I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
