I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
