he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
