like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
