I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
