Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
