I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
