I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
