Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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