wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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