Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
