help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
