guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
