Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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