so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
