I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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