SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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