There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize