I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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