so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Randomize
