i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
